Junkie

I'm already craving food again. But I won't give in. I already feel bad aboud today, so I won't make it even worse. It's just my blood sugar. And my stomach will need some time to adjust to smaller portion sizes, it's so big right now. That's why I feel hungry, not because my body needs energy. So I'm just going to live with the hunger, and I'm going to ignore the appetite. My next meal will be tomorrow evening, welcome back dinner with my boyfriend. Until then no food for me, I'll be alone anyway so there's no one to keep me company. 
I'm slightly frustrated at the moment because I'm not allowed to do my usual pilates exercise, I got a copper IUD on Monday and so my lower body needs rest... But I'm glad that I'm not using hormonal contraception, I don't think it would do me any good. And I don't pollute the ecosystem with estrogen. Anyway I'm kind of torn right now, on the one hand I can't wait to have my boyfriend back, but on the other hand I am afraid that he notices that I've put on some weight. Even though he'll probably like it, he's not too fond of bones and thin girls, but I just don't feel confident the way I am at the moment. I don't feel sexy. Two months ago I enjoyed dancing for him, sitting on his lap and walking around naked in the morning, but now I dread taking off my clothes. I'm so nervous about tomorrow...